On being happy

There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. The Buddha

This 10 minutes talk examines personal motivation and the connection between  responsibility, work and happiness.

What drives you?    My young family drives my life, on two levels. My need to provide for them,  but also to be in the right frame of mind and the right (mental and emotional) space for them. When I come home from work I want to be the right person for my daughter; I don’t want a split between my work and personal life. I started as a lawyer and then got into business analysis online. I’m also a musician. Career is a slow adventure.

I remember as a kid looking at stars and realising the size of me and our planet in relation to that – ever since then I’ve realised its about so much more than me. Meditation has taught me that there is something beyond things, beyond thoughts, all thought can cease yet you still “exist”.  

Where does happiness come in? There’s a link between responsibility and conviction; conviction about your life and what you value is what drives your sense of responsibility. Your conviction is your core, your essence and your common sense.

I think there are two forms of happiness, one is a static happiness and one is a changeable one – driven by external influences and forces. For instance twice in my life I’ve been retrenched and had absolutely no money. Situations like this force you to realise your personal responsibility. Even though I had no money, I knew I could survive. I knew this because my own family had created a profitable vineyard and associated way of life out of absolutely nothing.  And I knew I could do it as well.  Man S 35

On passions and what sustains us

Creativity often includes the sensation of being in a state of full concentration or hyper-concentration is both pleasant and productive. The author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi  describes this state of “flow” . This 10 minutes is dedicated to the topic of creativity and what sustains us.

Have you ever lost yourself or lost time whilst doing something?
 Actually I can get lost in housework – and I like to lose myself in creative pursuits like quilting or music. I dedicate a whole day to those pursuits because you need time to get to the place where you can enjoy it, where you can be who you are. It’s nice.  I like the precision of quilting and I like the colours and expressiveness of quilting. I’m not into traditional styles – I like vibrant modern shapes and creating something new out of something old. I also like to express something of the person I’m making the quilt for.
 
 
What if you couldn’t do it?  I’d probably find something else – I’d find another creative outlet. I’m always doing something crafty or artistic card making, singing. It’s not a passion – as I often flit from one thing to another. I envy people their single passions.  I don’t know why I change so much – I’m curious I guess.a
 
What sustains you? I suppose the pursuit of excellence in myself – to be the best person I can be – and having other people reflect what they see in me.  Which I can then adjust. Even in my paid work I work on problem solving and precision. I’d love to solve the world’s problems – but you can’t until you solve your own. I think it’s so important to be relaxed about who you are.  I feel sorry for people who can’t see what they’re good at – or allow themselves the place and time to do what they’re good at.  Woman S 47

On changing and Changes

Godhead is effective in the living, in the becoming and in changing – Goethe.  But was the g-man right? I went searching for some comments on the process of change 

Are you happy?  Yes – extremely happy with my life – the shape of it. It’s more about me now and the work I have to do in the world. In the past it has been about nurturing others.  It’s an exciting time for me. The one thing I’d change is that I’d like to be more disciplined in my study – I give myself such a hard time. I think though that hard time is necessary, because I can be diverted into pleasure too easily. I need that discipline to produce something meaningful in the work I do.

What is your work? Teaching – kids, parents, myself. 

 Do you love it? Absolutely – there’s nothing better than getting a sulky kid engaged. My work has been in the classroom, in behaviour now it is about public work to message that to others.

Over the last 20 years – what have been the defining changes?  The main changes have been to do with the growth process. My own children had to be parented and nurtured. I wasn’t established in my work – and I was hung up with what others thought.  There have been defining processes that have changed that. Those defining moments have been deaths in the family and close friends – they cause you to question things. To realise what is real and what isn’t. Death brings that necessary wake up call. You realise the truth about friendships and about what sustains you.

 What will you be In 20 years time?   I’ll be an elder stateswoman  of behaviour disorder – a sort of cross between Eva Cox and Fiona Stanley or Penelope Leach. I see myself doing lots of public speaking.

What’s the single thread that has run through all of it? Playfulness. I’d like to think I was playful. I wouldn’t want to lose that.      Woman G 54

What drives us?

Any life career that you choose in following your bliss – should be chosen with that sense that nobody can frighten me out of this thing – and no matter what happens, this is the validation of my life and action ‘ J Campbell

What drives you and your life?

My need for independence and space for myself drives me.  I need work that pays for that independence. I finished university 2 years ago, and have been working in hospitality for almost a decade. I liked the interaction afforded by that industry but not the actual work as it was very repetitive I fell in with my current work now. I’ve always cared about the environment and climate change, and now am developing a real passion for it. I find it stimulating and challenging getting people on the same playing field. I’m on the path I want to be on.  I believe the more emotionally stable you are – the more proactive you can be in your life. In the past I’ve not been as proactive as I could in my emotional life but now I feel internally stronger  If I feel capable and strong – I feel I have a purpose and then I feel like I can control my life, I control the story instead of it controlling me. Woman S 28

And you?

A competitive nature. I like to come first in most things; sport, work and personal life – but not always getting the result that I want. In my personal life for instance my stubborn streak and my need to be right all the time is not always good. This true nature of competition is linked to feeling confident, and comes out with those who know me best, such as my partner, family and friends, with others I’m more reserved. The respect of my peers, both professional and personal, is also a strong driver for my actions.

 Are you good at it?

Yes – mainly in the things I’m most passionate about, such as buying a house or playing football, or what I’m passionate about at work. These are like “core promises” to myself and linked to my own personal happiness. The other non-core issues I can let go.

Where does happiness fit in?

I see happiness linked to the non-financial intrinsic elements in my life – such as my personal home life, producing quality work being respected and admired by my peers. The other external financial trappings, like income, address etc are not highly valued by me – of course I’ve just bought a plasma TV!  For me it’s about being a good person, responsible for my own happiness and life. I guess my sustaining life mantra – is that you make your own luck.

 Is there a trade off?

There have been some cross roads in life where I’ve made decisions that did trade off elements. One road took me away from a personally advantageous work opportunity overseas because my partner’s happiness was more important. I imagine another “K” in a parallel universe living that life. In the end, though, I might have lost something but have gained so much more.  Man K 29